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Dear Rainbow Dash Please Stop

by AlexandraGamer12

Dear Rainbow Dash,

I think I may need to put this clearer for you. I'll even add a list. I know we have been married for only a month, but this needs to change.

Please stop :

    1. Going to the garden and chewing on the fruit. I need those to make potions! Plus, whenever you chew on them, they start glowing and singing, and I don't want to have to deal with the giant insurance wolves again.

    2. Doing whatever that's summoning those microscopic bees. Seriously, where are they coming from? Fluttershy is also acting like she knows something, and telling me that the bees will begin the apocalypse. That's definitely not normal.

    2. Trying to get Cozy Glow to play checkers. I'm sick of having to clean up the creepy symbols on the floor.

    3. Doing my taxes. Not even Pinkie Pie can read your signature.

    4. Eating my letters. No, you are not Spike, and you will never be Spike.

    5. Whatever you're doing to the local wildlife. Fluttershy is still in therapy.

    6. Booping Princess Celestia. Just stop.

    7. Writing shipping fanfictions involving us. I don't need to explain why.

    8. Making terrible horse puns. You know we all hate them.

    9. Buying things we don't need. No, Rarity Marshmallows aren't an important item.

    10. Trying to start a war with the Hippogriffs. I'm already in six wars at the moment because of you, and I don't need another thank you very much.

    11. -Great, now the Salty Sea Pears are missing. Where are they, Rainbow Dash?

    12. Commanding the ghosts in the attic to scare people on Nightmare Night. No, it's not funny.

    13. Trying to start the apocalypse. I don't need any more scared foals asking if the world will end.

    14. Trying to sell my Salty Sea Pears. Just stop. Please.

    15. Acting horrified when I go to the candy shop. I'm not made out of candy, and neither is Spike. Or Pinkie Pie. Or Rarity. You know what, no one is made out of candy. Yes, that includes you.

    16. Telling me that the Hippogriffs are actually earth ponies. I don't need a book to tell me that Hippogriffs are obviously not just ponies.

    17. Opening and closing doors. The microscopic bees are getting in the house. It's not funny, Rainbow Dash. I still have to avoid getting stung.

    18. I love Rainbow Dash. She is the best and I think she should always be able to do all of these things.

    19. Sabotaging my letter. This is exactly why I'm making this.

    20. Trying to bribe me to destroy this letter. I'm not making this up.

    21. Switching the sugar with the salt. Pinkie Pie was in tears.

    22. Lying about what Hippogriffs do on holidays. No pony ever falls for anything you say.

    23. Saying ponies are made out of clay. It's not true, and you know it. Not even sand.

    24. Saying false things about Hippogriffs. Hippogriffs are not sculptures. you know that.

    25. Trying to shove grapes into the closet. No, you can't say you're using them to make art. I know you aren't.

    26. Saying that Hippogriffs have a special day where they praise clouds. Not even praising trees. Or birds.

    27. Giving Daring Do nachos. She already told you she didn't like them. Not even blue nachos. Or orange. Or Pink-Orange-Blue-Gray. Or any other combination of colors.

    28. Insulting the local residents. I keep getting noise complaints.

    29. Stealing my socks for "A-Absolutely no reason!".

    30. Making me have to make a list for everything I need you to stop doing.

    31. Trying to buy out all the tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala. It's rude and doesn't help anypony.

    32. Suggesting the Cutie Mark Crusaders apply for office.

    33. Seriously, those fruits are screaming now, I'm pretty disturbed.

    34. no

    35. Adding liquid nitrogen to my coffee. I may be immortal, but that doesn't mean it doesn't taste bad.

    36. Trying to overthrow Celestia. It just won't work.

    37. Crashing into Celestia statues. Gold is very expensive to replace.

    38. Filling Bon Bon's candy store with pudding. Bon Bon's still trying to clean it all up.

    39. Trying to get Silverstream to start a war with Equestria. Hippogriffs aren't all war-like. If you wanted to add another war, try it with the Griffons. Ummm... Please don't do that.

    40. Everything.

    Now I know that it may be hard to appeal to all of these rules, but I'll be sure to help you out.

    Sincerely, A Very Annoyed Twilight Sparkle.

    PS You say your friend is Dashing to meet me, yet she's never came over. What's the deal with that?