Pinkie Runs for Mayor
by August_Cloud
Pinkie Pie hopped out of Ponyville’s Print Shop with a large stack of flyers hanging from her mouth and humming a cheery tune. She passed Twilight on the street, who stopped her. “What’s got you so happy today, Pinkie?”
Pinkie dropped the stack of flyers at Twilight’s hooves, revealing her smiling visage, and at the bottom a short slogan: “Vote for Pinkie.”
“You’re running for office?”
Pinkie kept hopping in place. “Yep!” she replied.
“Why?”
“Because it looks like fun!”
“What office?”
“Mayor of course! What else would I run for, silly?”
“But what’s wrong with Mayor Mare?”
“Nothing.” Pinkie grabbed the flyers from the ground with her teeth and dropped them into saddlebags hanging from her flank. “Except she’s a lying, cheating, stealing, and swindling politician.”
Twilight’s mouth dropped open in shock, then she composed herself. “Pinkie! How can you say that about Mayor Mare?”
Pinkie stopped hopping and started circling Twilight. “Oh, c’mon, Twilight. Think about it. Why is Winter Wrap Up always late?”
“Because we never plan…”
Pinkie interrupted her. “Yeah, and whose fault is that? What about all the bad stuff that keeps happening here? Hmm?”
“Like what?”
“Like, everything!” Pinkie stood on her back legs, twirled around and pointed in all directions, and dropped to her hooves. “Remember when the parasprites hit here? Who was in charge, and who got rid of them?”
“You did…”
“I did, that’s right. Not that Mayor Mare, who couldn’t even stop a cold when, when, um, a cold came.” Pinkie held a hoof to her chin in a quizzical way, searching for words. “You know what I mean!”
“No, I don’t Pinkie.” Twilight placed a hoof over her friend’s neck. “What’s gotten in to you?”
“It’s time I did something about it. That’s what. I can’t be cupcakes and flour forever, you know. It’s time I got serious.” Pinkie put on an exaggerated frown. “Well, see ya around. Bye, Twilight!” she said as she hopped away, smiling and humming the cheery tune again.
**
Inside her party basement underneath Sugar Cube Corner, Pinkie held a ledger open on her desk. She wore a green eyeshade and stroked her chin. “Okay, I spent 20 bits on the flyers, but registration is still 50. And the deadline is coming soon. Hmm…” She wrote some numbers in the ledger. “Well, I’ll have to take time off for a debate, so the Cakes will have to do that, and…” She doodled a simple picture of Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake in the margin. “Perfect!”
“Don’t get distracted, Pinkie!” she said aloud to herself, shaking her head.
She walked over to a filing cabinet labeled “Party Planning” and pulled a drawer open. An accordion file stuffed with receipts and records was bursting out. She shoved everything back in and then grabbed a specific piece of paper. A title on the top said “Mayor’s Crimes,” listing everything that Pinkie believed Mayor Mare had done wrong in her terms in office.
*Winter Wrap Up late*
*Parasprite Infestation*
*Breezies Delayed going Home*
*Blaming me for the Cupcake incident/s (That was Mrs. Cake’s fault!)*
*The sonic rainboom (It was really cool though)*
Pinkie folded the paper, returned to her desk, and placed the paper next to her ledger. “Time to file!” she exclaimed to herself.
**
Standing in line at city hall, Pinkie collapsed to her belly. “This is so boring,” she huffed.
A clerk spoke up. “Pinkie Pie?” she asked, “You’re next up on the list. Running for mayor, I see.”
Pinkie jumped to hooves and hopped over to the clerk. “Yeah, and I’m gonna win!”
“Okay, that enthusiasm isn’t necessary here. Do you have the fee?”
Pinkie reached into her saddlebag and dropped a stack of bits on the desk.
“Sign here. It says you can’t use any funds to…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I can read.” She clenched a pen from the desk with her mouth and scribbled her name on the line. She dropped the pen. “Time to get serious.”
“Uh, thank you, Pinkie,” the clerk said. Pinkie turned and hopped out of the building.
Pinkie bounced along Ponyville’s main street passing Sweetie Belle and Rarity.
“Vote for me!” Pinkie said, grinning as she passed.
“What was that?” Sweetie Belle said. Rarity shrugged.
**
Pinkie returned to her basement and grabbed the flyers. She trotted up the stairs to the main room of the bakery and placed a few on the counter. Carrot Cake stood behind it arranging a display of muffins. “Morning, Pinkie. Whatcha got there?”
“Oh, just an ambitious approach to high office that nopony has ever tried before.”
“Huh?”
“I’m running for mayor, silly!”
“Oh. What’s wrong with Mayor Mare?”
Pinkie took a deep breath and told him everything she had listed and more. When she finished, Carrot Cake looked bedraggled, with his hat and tie askew. He adjusted them. “Oh my, that sounds bad.”
“You know it!” She left the bakery and bounced along the street.
**
The Ponyville farmer’s market was that day, so Pinkie jumped from stall to stall dropping flyers at each one and telling ponies with her cheerful attitude to vote for her. She reached a stall where Golden Harvest sold her asparagus and carrot produce. Mayor Mare was there as well, chatting with her.
“Well well well,” Pinkie interjected, interrupting their conversation. “Look who we have here.”
“Oh, good morning, Pinkie Pie!” the mayor said.
Pinkie scowled. “Not so good morning for you.”
“What do you mean?” The mayor turned to face Pinkie.
“You know what I mean.”
“I, I really don’t. Is there a problem?”
“Is there a problem? Is there a problem? Of course there is. Everything is a problem! You’re a problem!”
“Pinkie, what are you talking about?”
“Don’t weasel out of this, mayor.” Pinkie paused and stroked her chin. “Hey that’s a good one! Weasel! Why didn’t I put that on the flyer? Now I have to get them all changed again. Thanks mayor!” Pinkie turned to bounce away and then stopped. “Hey, wait a minute. I see what you did there. You tried…”
The mayor looked puzzled. “Pinkie, what’s gotten into you?”
Pinkie started listing off everything that she to Mr. Cake. When she finished, Golden Harvest and Mayor Mare both stood in stunned silence, their mouths hanging open.
Golden Harvest spoke up. “I think, um, I think I’m going to close up for the day.” She shoveled her produce into a cart, tore down the tent, hooked the cart to her flank, and trotted away.
Pinkie and the mayor stood facing each other. Pinkie kept scowling, but the mare just looked confused.
“How is any of that my fault?” the mare said. “I can’t control the weather. That’s not my job.”
“That’s just what I expected a weaselly politician to say.”
“Pinkie, that… It really breaks my heart to hear that. I’ve never done anything to hurt you!”
“I just said everything you did! Anyway, I’m going to win. Bye!” She smiled at the mayor and hopped away.
**
Pinkie returned from the print shop with a new stack of flyers. Instead of her face, it was a photograph of the mayor with a “no” symbol over her face and the slogan “no more weaselly politicians” at the bottom.
“I’m a genius!” Pinkie said to herself as she looked over the new designs. “No one can stop me now.”
Pinkie went all over town dropping flyers in every business. She stopped when she ran out of them and returned home. The Sun had set. Exhausted, she dropped into bed and snored loudly.
**
Election day arrived. For the last few weeks, all anypony had talked about was whether Pinkie was truly that mean spirited, or if Mayor Mare was really as bad as Pinkie claimed.
Ponies lined up outside city hall for the vote. They shouted and sniped at one another.
“Mayor Mare has been a complete failure!”
“I never knew Pinkie was so terrible. Some friend!”
“I can’t vote for either!”
Two ponies in line started fighting with each other until guards arrived and pulled them apart. The guards stood on either side of the line and watched, ensuring that no more fights would start.
Mayor Mare walked past the line into the hall with her head hung low, but not really able to hide herself. “I wish I were a changeling,” she muttered. A few ponies started chanting as they saw her. “Weasel! Weasel! Weasel!”
It continued until she disappeared into the building.
Fluttershy approached the line with Pinkie Pie by her side, who maintained an exaggerated frown. Laying on Fluttershy’s head was a real weasel, sleeping soundly.
Fluttershy stopped at the line. “I was just talking to Pinkie, and I don’t think the “weasel” thing is very nice.” She tilted her head to show the animal. “Just look at her. She’s not mean. She’s an animal who has to live like the rest of us.”
The crowd silenced.
“Look at what happened to us. All of this animosity and acrimony. That’s not like Ponyville. We can’t do this forever. We all have to go back home and speak with our families and friends. At the end of the day, what do you tell them. Do you tell them you can’t be around them anymore because they voted for a weasel? We have to go back to work and school. We still have to play on the same buckball teams.”
“But it’s all the Mayor’s fault!” a stallion shouted from somewhere.
“That’s right,” Pinkie shouted, “But she’s not a weasel. That’s too good for her. She’s a, um, a, um. She’s not a nice pony okay? Anyway, vote for me!” Pinkie hopped away, smiling, and left Fluttershy by herself. “Um. Yeah. Vote for Pinkie Pie,” she said.
“Fluttershy is right.” A mare in the crowd exclaimed.
“Yeah, I know who I’m voting for now,” another pony said.
“Me too,” said a third.
“Thank you, everypony,” Fluttershy whimpered. She jumped into the air and flew away, the weasel remaining soundly asleep on her head. “Pinkie, wait for me!”
**
The votes were tallied at the end of the day. A crowd stood outside city hall awaiting the results. The clerk arrived outside with a stack of paper. “The votes are.” She taped a single sheet of paper with the totals. “The new mayor of Ponyville is… Fluttershy!”
The crowd murmured and gasped.
Fluttershy disappeared behind her wings. “Oh my.”
Pinkie dropped the stack of flyers at Twilight’s hooves, revealing her smiling visage, and at the bottom a short slogan: “Vote for Pinkie.”
“You’re running for office?”
Pinkie kept hopping in place. “Yep!” she replied.
“Why?”
“Because it looks like fun!”
“What office?”
“Mayor of course! What else would I run for, silly?”
“But what’s wrong with Mayor Mare?”
“Nothing.” Pinkie grabbed the flyers from the ground with her teeth and dropped them into saddlebags hanging from her flank. “Except she’s a lying, cheating, stealing, and swindling politician.”
Twilight’s mouth dropped open in shock, then she composed herself. “Pinkie! How can you say that about Mayor Mare?”
Pinkie stopped hopping and started circling Twilight. “Oh, c’mon, Twilight. Think about it. Why is Winter Wrap Up always late?”
“Because we never plan…”
Pinkie interrupted her. “Yeah, and whose fault is that? What about all the bad stuff that keeps happening here? Hmm?”
“Like what?”
“Like, everything!” Pinkie stood on her back legs, twirled around and pointed in all directions, and dropped to her hooves. “Remember when the parasprites hit here? Who was in charge, and who got rid of them?”
“You did…”
“I did, that’s right. Not that Mayor Mare, who couldn’t even stop a cold when, when, um, a cold came.” Pinkie held a hoof to her chin in a quizzical way, searching for words. “You know what I mean!”
“No, I don’t Pinkie.” Twilight placed a hoof over her friend’s neck. “What’s gotten in to you?”
“It’s time I did something about it. That’s what. I can’t be cupcakes and flour forever, you know. It’s time I got serious.” Pinkie put on an exaggerated frown. “Well, see ya around. Bye, Twilight!” she said as she hopped away, smiling and humming the cheery tune again.
**
Inside her party basement underneath Sugar Cube Corner, Pinkie held a ledger open on her desk. She wore a green eyeshade and stroked her chin. “Okay, I spent 20 bits on the flyers, but registration is still 50. And the deadline is coming soon. Hmm…” She wrote some numbers in the ledger. “Well, I’ll have to take time off for a debate, so the Cakes will have to do that, and…” She doodled a simple picture of Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake in the margin. “Perfect!”
“Don’t get distracted, Pinkie!” she said aloud to herself, shaking her head.
She walked over to a filing cabinet labeled “Party Planning” and pulled a drawer open. An accordion file stuffed with receipts and records was bursting out. She shoved everything back in and then grabbed a specific piece of paper. A title on the top said “Mayor’s Crimes,” listing everything that Pinkie believed Mayor Mare had done wrong in her terms in office.
*Winter Wrap Up late*
*Parasprite Infestation*
*Breezies Delayed going Home*
*Blaming me for the Cupcake incident/s (That was Mrs. Cake’s fault!)*
*The sonic rainboom (It was really cool though)*
Pinkie folded the paper, returned to her desk, and placed the paper next to her ledger. “Time to file!” she exclaimed to herself.
**
Standing in line at city hall, Pinkie collapsed to her belly. “This is so boring,” she huffed.
A clerk spoke up. “Pinkie Pie?” she asked, “You’re next up on the list. Running for mayor, I see.”
Pinkie jumped to hooves and hopped over to the clerk. “Yeah, and I’m gonna win!”
“Okay, that enthusiasm isn’t necessary here. Do you have the fee?”
Pinkie reached into her saddlebag and dropped a stack of bits on the desk.
“Sign here. It says you can’t use any funds to…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I can read.” She clenched a pen from the desk with her mouth and scribbled her name on the line. She dropped the pen. “Time to get serious.”
“Uh, thank you, Pinkie,” the clerk said. Pinkie turned and hopped out of the building.
Pinkie bounced along Ponyville’s main street passing Sweetie Belle and Rarity.
“Vote for me!” Pinkie said, grinning as she passed.
“What was that?” Sweetie Belle said. Rarity shrugged.
**
Pinkie returned to her basement and grabbed the flyers. She trotted up the stairs to the main room of the bakery and placed a few on the counter. Carrot Cake stood behind it arranging a display of muffins. “Morning, Pinkie. Whatcha got there?”
“Oh, just an ambitious approach to high office that nopony has ever tried before.”
“Huh?”
“I’m running for mayor, silly!”
“Oh. What’s wrong with Mayor Mare?”
Pinkie took a deep breath and told him everything she had listed and more. When she finished, Carrot Cake looked bedraggled, with his hat and tie askew. He adjusted them. “Oh my, that sounds bad.”
“You know it!” She left the bakery and bounced along the street.
**
The Ponyville farmer’s market was that day, so Pinkie jumped from stall to stall dropping flyers at each one and telling ponies with her cheerful attitude to vote for her. She reached a stall where Golden Harvest sold her asparagus and carrot produce. Mayor Mare was there as well, chatting with her.
“Well well well,” Pinkie interjected, interrupting their conversation. “Look who we have here.”
“Oh, good morning, Pinkie Pie!” the mayor said.
Pinkie scowled. “Not so good morning for you.”
“What do you mean?” The mayor turned to face Pinkie.
“You know what I mean.”
“I, I really don’t. Is there a problem?”
“Is there a problem? Is there a problem? Of course there is. Everything is a problem! You’re a problem!”
“Pinkie, what are you talking about?”
“Don’t weasel out of this, mayor.” Pinkie paused and stroked her chin. “Hey that’s a good one! Weasel! Why didn’t I put that on the flyer? Now I have to get them all changed again. Thanks mayor!” Pinkie turned to bounce away and then stopped. “Hey, wait a minute. I see what you did there. You tried…”
The mayor looked puzzled. “Pinkie, what’s gotten into you?”
Pinkie started listing off everything that she to Mr. Cake. When she finished, Golden Harvest and Mayor Mare both stood in stunned silence, their mouths hanging open.
Golden Harvest spoke up. “I think, um, I think I’m going to close up for the day.” She shoveled her produce into a cart, tore down the tent, hooked the cart to her flank, and trotted away.
Pinkie and the mayor stood facing each other. Pinkie kept scowling, but the mare just looked confused.
“How is any of that my fault?” the mare said. “I can’t control the weather. That’s not my job.”
“That’s just what I expected a weaselly politician to say.”
“Pinkie, that… It really breaks my heart to hear that. I’ve never done anything to hurt you!”
“I just said everything you did! Anyway, I’m going to win. Bye!” She smiled at the mayor and hopped away.
**
Pinkie returned from the print shop with a new stack of flyers. Instead of her face, it was a photograph of the mayor with a “no” symbol over her face and the slogan “no more weaselly politicians” at the bottom.
“I’m a genius!” Pinkie said to herself as she looked over the new designs. “No one can stop me now.”
Pinkie went all over town dropping flyers in every business. She stopped when she ran out of them and returned home. The Sun had set. Exhausted, she dropped into bed and snored loudly.
**
Election day arrived. For the last few weeks, all anypony had talked about was whether Pinkie was truly that mean spirited, or if Mayor Mare was really as bad as Pinkie claimed.
Ponies lined up outside city hall for the vote. They shouted and sniped at one another.
“Mayor Mare has been a complete failure!”
“I never knew Pinkie was so terrible. Some friend!”
“I can’t vote for either!”
Two ponies in line started fighting with each other until guards arrived and pulled them apart. The guards stood on either side of the line and watched, ensuring that no more fights would start.
Mayor Mare walked past the line into the hall with her head hung low, but not really able to hide herself. “I wish I were a changeling,” she muttered. A few ponies started chanting as they saw her. “Weasel! Weasel! Weasel!”
It continued until she disappeared into the building.
Fluttershy approached the line with Pinkie Pie by her side, who maintained an exaggerated frown. Laying on Fluttershy’s head was a real weasel, sleeping soundly.
Fluttershy stopped at the line. “I was just talking to Pinkie, and I don’t think the “weasel” thing is very nice.” She tilted her head to show the animal. “Just look at her. She’s not mean. She’s an animal who has to live like the rest of us.”
The crowd silenced.
“Look at what happened to us. All of this animosity and acrimony. That’s not like Ponyville. We can’t do this forever. We all have to go back home and speak with our families and friends. At the end of the day, what do you tell them. Do you tell them you can’t be around them anymore because they voted for a weasel? We have to go back to work and school. We still have to play on the same buckball teams.”
“But it’s all the Mayor’s fault!” a stallion shouted from somewhere.
“That’s right,” Pinkie shouted, “But she’s not a weasel. That’s too good for her. She’s a, um, a, um. She’s not a nice pony okay? Anyway, vote for me!” Pinkie hopped away, smiling, and left Fluttershy by herself. “Um. Yeah. Vote for Pinkie Pie,” she said.
“Fluttershy is right.” A mare in the crowd exclaimed.
“Yeah, I know who I’m voting for now,” another pony said.
“Me too,” said a third.
“Thank you, everypony,” Fluttershy whimpered. She jumped into the air and flew away, the weasel remaining soundly asleep on her head. “Pinkie, wait for me!”
**
The votes were tallied at the end of the day. A crowd stood outside city hall awaiting the results. The clerk arrived outside with a stack of paper. “The votes are.” She taped a single sheet of paper with the totals. “The new mayor of Ponyville is… Fluttershy!”
The crowd murmured and gasped.
Fluttershy disappeared behind her wings. “Oh my.”