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The Tasty Attack

by boopydoopy

“This is serious, Pinkie Pie!” Twist said with a lisp, making an angry face as she and her friends hid behind a bush in front of Swirly’s Candy Shop. “If you don’t wanna take this seriously, we can find somepony else to give us advice!”

“I am being serious,” she giggled lightly before putting on a serious expression. She stared dead ahead as she said, “You must be one with the candy if you seek to fight against it. Only a true master can understand this.”

“What does that even mean?” Pipsqueak asked.

“Hehe, you’ll understand it later. It wouldn’t have the same impact if I just out and out told you, would it? Silly colt! You have to think about it.”

“I’ll say. Makes me think you forgot what your own saying means, Pinkie.”

“Whatever!” Twist said in a frustrated whisper. “Can we focus on the mission at hand? We’re beginning day six of Operation Save-The-Peppermint-Shop! Does everypony know what the plan is?”

“Uhhh do you think you can run it by me again?” Dinky Doo asked, rubbing a hoof behind her head sheepishly. “I maybe got a little bit distracted by the peppermint sticks you gave out for moral support.”

She earned a glare from Twist, who told her, “Fine, but if you don’t listen this time, you’re gonna be out of this operation. If you’re not serious about the cause, you can find something else to do.”

“I’m serious! I promise!”

“Good. Now here’s what’s gonna happen: the last few days, we’ve been focusing our efforts on the shop Bon Bon runs. Because of that, everypony has started migrating to Swirly’s to buy candy, which means we need to go on the offensive here, too. But Twilight’s on to us, so we need to make sure this offensive doesn’t last longer than a day. This is gonna be all out war today!”

“A-are you sure?” Featherweight asked nervously. “I mean, I’m for the cause and all, but this is starting to get scary. My parents were asking me yesterday about why I was home so late, and what I was doing covered in gum. I’d be grounded for a month if they found out about this.”

“Oh, they’ll find out,” Twist said with focused confidence as she stared at the candy shop, watching groups of ponies head in and out. “We’ll make sure all of Equestria knows not to mess with The Peppermint Shop.”

“Make sure you remember though, Twist! War is what happens when language fails!”

“What does that even mean, Pinkie!” Twist practically yelled in frustration. She only received a chuckle in response, the mare covering her mouth with a hoof as she did before she gasped loudly.

“I almost forgot! I need to get back to Sugarcube Corner to help Mrs. Cake watch the twins! I’ll see you fillies and colts later! And remember what I said! You must be one with the candy if you seek to fight against it!” With that, like a rabbit she hopped off, leaving the group of foals standing alone.

“What do you think she meant by that?” Featherweight asked. “How do you be one with candy?”

“I don’t know!” Twist said loudly, exasperatedly, throwing her hooves in the air. “Everypony says she’s like some sort of guru when it comes to these things, but I think she’s just pulling our legs and trying to confuse us.”

“I don’t know. She gives lots of good advice,” Dinky Doo said. “Although it doesn’t usually make sense at first. But in the end, I always understand it!”

“I think she’s just a crazy pony, even if her parties are the best.”

“Well, whatever. It doesn’t matter. Does everypony know their stations? Do we have everything? Pipsqueak, you’re the resources manager. Is everything here?”

“Yup. Marshmallow sauce, jawbreakers, candy rope– it’s all here.”

“Featherweight! Do you know where your station is?”

“Mhm, I’m the lookout, just in case Twilight Sparkle or Mayor Mare or anypony else who’s super important sees us.”

“Good job. And you, Dinky! What’s your job? Do you remember?”

“Uh… remind me again?”


“Sorry!... oh yeah! I’m helping you with the offensive! I’m following behind you to protect you while you attack the ponies trying to eat here!”

“Great! Then day six of Operation Save-The-Peppermint-Shop is a go!”

Featherweight stayed behind while the rest of the group headed out after that, Pipsqueak dragging their sweet, delicious weapons to the backside of Swirly’s, the three of them ready to put their plan into motion. They began with pelting the ponies passing into the shop with small jawbreakers, getting a few annoyed glares from the citizens who’d had to put up with largely the same thing over the preceding days down at the other candy shops they tried to visit. When there was a free moment when ponies who were inside browsed and shopped, the three foals dropped multiple jars of marshmallow sauce onto the ground by the storefront’s doors, the intention being to slow ponies down while they continued pelting them. It had only gotten a few ponies to turn around and find business elsewhere so far, but Twist was confident that eventually everypony would stop shopping anywhere else except her paren’t shop.

All of a sudden though, as they threw jawbreakers and the sticks off lollipops at the patrons of Swirly’s, Featherweight gave the signal.

“Caw caw! Caw caw!”

They wasted no time in getting themselves hidden, hiding a few shops down as Princess Twilight Sparkle herself entered the candy shop. Or, at least, she tried to. She was stopped by sticky marshmallow sauce on the ground, and nearly tripped over the small, round jawbreakers on the ground. It was an experience she had to face a few times that week, and she knew which foals were responsible.

“Where are you…” she asked herself as she looked around, trying to find them. She only took a few seconds to look around though before the frustration of having marshmallow on her hooves set in and she stomped away in an angry huff

“Oh man, that was a close one,” Pipsqueak said, wiping his brow with a hoof. “I’m glad she didn’t see us.”

“Not only did she not see us, but she also didn’t eat there!” Twist declared. “Our plan is working! Let’s keep going!”

They spent the next few hours on the attack, doing their best to drive away everypony they saw. When they ran out of jawbreakers to throw at ponies, they began to take the candy rope they had and used it to tie up the ponies they came across. They worked hard to make sure everypony stayed away, and were very successful in their efforts.

At one point, while they were tying somepony up, Pinkie Pie’s advice of being one with the candy came to fruition, when Twist used the jawbreakers on the ground to slide away from a stallion who tried to nab her. He tried to give chase, but wasn’t as agile as she was and ended up falling to the ground in frustration, landing right in the pile of marshmallow sauce. Maybe there was something to Pinkie’s advice after all.

It went on through the day, and by nightfall, word had gotten around Ponyville to avoid Swirly’s Candy Shop, lest they be assaulted with tasty treats. The group of foals retired to a bush, keeping watch over the shop through the evening, but knowing there likely wouldn’t be anypony else to go after for the day.

“We did a great job, guys!” Twist cheered. “Another great day! Within a few weeks, everypony will know never to eat candy anywhere except The Peppermint Shop!”

“As long as we don’t get in trouble,” Featherweight said. “But if it’s only a few more weeks, that’s okay to do. Do you really think all of this will save your parent’s shop?”

“Mhm, absolutely! My daddy said yesterday that business was increasing! We’re doing great!”

“And if it’s saving her parent’s shop,” Dinky Doo added, “then it’s for a good cause! Even if somepony figures out and catches us, we won’t get in trouble!”

“That’s right! We’ll just explain that–”

“Enemy!” Pipsqueak suddenly shouted at the top of his lungs, pointing a hoof at a lone, dark stallion staring in confusion at the scene in front of Swirly’s. “Attack!”

There was no hesitation on Twist’s part, the filly rushing up and pushing the stallion into the pile of marshmallow sauce before tying him up like she did dozens of times to other ponies that day. The stallion screamed in surprise, but Twist had no mercy, not stopping until all of his limbs were tied together and his face was firmly planted into sticky marshmallow sauce.

“This is what you get!” she declared. “You’ll know better than to shop here for candy, mister… daddy?”

“Twist?” her father asked in surprise. “What in Equestria are you doing out here this late? Was all of this because of you? Are you the reason ponies are avoiding everywhere else?”

“Why are you shopping here, daddy?” she asked in confusion. “You’re giving money to the enemy! We have to save our peppermint shop!”

“Hello?” another pony, Swirly herself, called as she stepped out, making a face as she stepped into a pile of marshmallow sauce. “What’s going on out here?” Then she turned her eyes to Twist in recognition and said, “You! You’re the one who’s been driving everypony away from Bon Bon’s shop lately, aren’t you? Why are you doing this?”

“Why are you taking business away from my daddy’s shop?” Twist asked back angrily. “Don’t you know we’re gonna go out of business because of ponies like you?”

“Huh? Out of business?” her father asked. “What are you talking about, dearie?”

“You said that profits were down this season!” she said. “You said we might have to consider moving!”

“Yes, to other lines of candy, sweetheart,” he told her. “Ponies don’t really buy peppermints in the spring and summer like they do in the winter. We’re not going out of business, and we’re certainly not moving. Where did you get that idea?”

“But- but– I thought you said that–”

“And even if we were, this is certainly no way to go about acting out that possibility. Not only are you hurting other ponies' businesses, but you could hurt other ponies physically. What if somepony slipped on these jawbreakers and broke a hoof?”

“Oh. Well… I never considered that… but it’s what has to be done to save our shop, right? You said you’d do anything for it, daddy, and I want to do anything for it, too.”

“I would, but nothing like this. You have to be considerate of other ponies and how it affects them, too. You should be talking to ponies, not trying to kill their business. If ponies saw you doing this, they could think I’m sending you out here to hurt them, and then it would actually hurt The Peppermint Shop.”

“Oh. I’m sorry… Maybe talking about if first would’ve been better?”

“Not just maybe. It absolutely would’ve been better,” Swirly interjected. “You could’ve spoken to me about it, Twist. You don’t have to do all of this… guerilla warfare to get your point out there. We can talk things out and do promotions for each other’s shops and help each other out.”

“I, uh, might not have thought about that.”

“Well, you’ll have plenty of time to think about it from your room while you’re grounded, missy. A month is what you deserve after all of this mess. Going on for days the way I hear it.”

“But daddy!”

“No ‘buts’. Now let’s go.” There was a pause as her father let out a breath and said, “You know, a wise mare once said, ‘war is what happens when language fails.’ I think that’s something you should take to heart the next time you try to do things without talking them out.”

It seemed Pinkie was right about her advice on that, too. Maybe there was something to the advice she gave.