Days and Night Diner, Baltimare, Late Afternoon

Zephyr Breeze raised his hoof. "No, I don't understand."

Pinkie Pie steepled her hooves and rested her elbows on the diner table's surface. "Which part? Is it the long coat? Rarity promised that it's absolutely necessary. It should even fit. I think the word she used was snazzy."

"I love the jacket; it really adds to the 'stallion of danger' thing. But why am I wearing it?"

"To cover your royal guard uniform, silly."

"Why did you have me wear it then?"

"Because I need backup that gives an impression of power."

He shook his head and looked around the diner, hoping for some semblance of sense. But the few customers kept their heads down in their cups of coffee or plates of hashbrowns. "How on Celestia's mane is an ex-royal guard reservist more powerful than an Element of Harmony?"

"The Element of Laughter won't make the impact I need. These ponies are the worst of the worst. They don't understand joy, they don't embrace smiles. They only respect power and force."

Zephyr's eyes darted again to the customers, but all of them seemed like regular ponies. "Um wouldn't Big Mac be better?"

"No, it has to be you."

"Why?"

"First, you're available."

"Okay. And?"

"And what?"

For a moment, Zephyr stared into Pinkie's blue eyes, waiting, hoping for some spark of recognition, but it never came. He sighed. "Why not the Guard or the police?"

Pinkie turned her face towards the window, giving Zephyr a proper 3/4 profile with a touch of shadow (just like Rarity suggested). "The Guard doesn't understand how deep this goes. They think its just a local matter. As for the police, they just don't care. Maybe the rot is just to deep."

Zephyr swallowed "What are we dealing with bribery? Vandalism? An underground fight club?"

"Worse. SO much worse."

"If it was something like kidnapping or extortion, surely the police would be involved. Treason? Theft of magical secrets? What?"

"Worse, food adulteration."

"What?"

"I was going to buy crystal berries to make tart and tingly ganache. The best part was that you could eat the candies and then use your teeth as a flashlight! Just open your mouth and the glow could light up the sidewalk! But the berries I bought were less than 10% pure, the rest were freeze dried raspberries, cherries, and gypsum."

"What?"

"It get worse. Chalk in the powdered sugar, carob in the chocolate, wheatgrass in the mint. It is a nightmare, and no one cares."

Zephyr took a deep breath. "I've actually got a lot on my plate, so I can't.."

"Help me and you can come to the Summer Fun in the Sun and Surf party. Rainbow will be.."

"I'm in. Where do we start?"

"Well, I figured we'd start at Mafia Avenue in the Criminal district of Smuggler's Cove."

"There's a Criminal district?"

"I did say the police are really uninterested in crime."

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Mafia Street, Baltimare, Evening

Pinkie and Zephyr walked, lit by cones of harsh yellow lights of dragon fire steetlights. The walls had layers of advertising posters: "Billhook: burglary on demand", "Come to Filthy Lucre to fence your ill-gotten gains, no questions asked, no questions answered.", and "Check your pocket! My business card is already there! Cutpurse the dipper".

Zephyr snorted. "I really should tell the guard; this is just embarrassing."

Pinkie smiled, and pointed to a large sign hanging over the sidewalk. She read it out loud, "Trotsworth's Emporium of Illegal Foodstuffs and Kitchen Equipment." She gave a solemn nod. "It may embarrass the police, but makes my investigation very easy. Now, remember, serious faces."

Before Zephyr had a chance to respond, Pinkie jumped up and short horizontally through the door like a cannonball. After the shock wore off, he scampered through the debris to find Pinkie perched on the chest and shoulders of a brown-coated stallion with a white cat cutie mark. His suit an tie were crumpled under her pink hooves. Three other stallions stood shocked into stillness. Each wore a black pinstripe suit with a matching fedora and 3 days of stubble over their fur. Zephyr made a a mental note to come back later, this neighborhood needed a stylist very badly.

"Talk! Tell me who is your supplier!" She motioned towards Zephyr. " By the way Zephyr over there will be playing the part of good cop, but we're new to this so just kind of enjoy the ride. Now TALK!"

The stallion coughed, "WHat do you want to know?"

"Where are the illegal candy supplies coming from? TALK!"

Zephyr coughed, "Pinkie, he is talking.."

The stallion stumbled his words in a rush. "Everywhere, Montoria, Abyssia, Coltlantis, everywhere. Its global."

Pinkie started to snarl, then realized her mane was bunched to one side, so fixed it before returning to the snarl. "Why? Why cheapen the unfiltered joy that is CANDY?"

"We're trying to meet unfilled demand. We're the stop gap when trade fails, don't blame us."

"What do you mean? Tell me before my partner has to make you a pleasant compliment."

The pony with beneath her hooves looks down at his hooves. "I admit, I'm making a good, dishonest living. But that's what happens when there's a shortage. I mean with 27% of global supplies going to some Podunk village, shortfalls happen. I think Princess Twilight has something to do with it. Bobby two-hooves over there thinks her castle is actually rock candy, but we don't know and no one here wants that heat."

Pinkie froze. Not a single hair moved. Then pink tornado tore out of the store. "SOrryabouttheconfusion.NoproblemshereZephyr;seeyouattheparty."