Hi Twi. It’s me. Tim. Timber Spruce. Your Bear. Your Scaredy-Bear.

You haven’t called me that last one in a long time.

Please wake up.
***
I give you a kiss and a hug before I leave for work. I lift your white veil and I give you a kiss. I ask about the bump on your head and you tell me it’s fine. I look into your eyes outside of the crystal cave and you give me a kiss and I know that you love me.

I tell you I’m scared. That my own failings make me want to hide sometimes. That I’m not good enough. You hug me close, you call me scaredy-bear. But not like Grandpa did. You are kind, and you tell me I am good enough for you and always have been.
***
“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “It’s all out of order. I’m trying…”

I look at you. Hospital bed. Hospital room. Intensive Care. I hardly ever come to these rooms. And then, I’m usually the last doctor in line behind all the other specialists, neuro and cardiac and general surgery and the rest of med-surg.

You tell me I can become a doctor, that I am in fact smart enough and more importantly that I care. I am showing you my match e-mail. U Canterlot Hospital. Orthopedics. You show me your fellowship letter. U Canterlot, Department of Astronomy. We laugh. We hug.

You look so small and powerless. A breathing tube down your throat, moving your chest up and down. Your head bandaged after major brain surgery. It was a subarachnoid hemhorrage, they said they caught it just in time on that CT. I told you… but that’s for later.

***

You are resplendent, glowing, mighty. You and your friends. You are focused and powerful. You save my sister Gloriosa from herself, from her own fears. You save our Camp, you save our home, and I know in an instant there is something truly special about you even though I’ve barely known you for a weekend.

***

I held your hand the entire helicopter flight down to Canterlot City, to UCH, the best stroke and neuro center for 200 miles.

Once I could not bear to be with you. Now I cannot stand the thought of losing you.

***

I am lying on the grass. You’ve stepped away. Spike comes up, licks my face. Then he says, clearly, you owe me.

We are outside that cave. The one where Gloriosa found those strange rainbow crystals. The one you broke out of with a thought.

The dance we held there has been a huge success. Filthy Rich is going to get a check for the balance of the mortgage, with all interest and penalties, tomorrow morning.

I’m worried that we have to say goodbye. Maybe get dinner and catch a movie?

Yeah, you say, I'd really like that.

Oh, good! I was hoping that's what you meant.

I lean in towards your eyes. Then I feel Gloriosa’s arm on my shoulder.

‘Sorry. I need to borrow Timber. There are some donors I really want him to meet. They were good friends with Mom and Dad.’

I tell you to save me a dance.

I hear Sunset Shimmer call me ‘a pretty cool guy.’

As soon as I can, I am back next to you. In private this time. And we kiss.

***

I am five years old again. I am in the back seat of the truck. My legs hurt. There’s smoke everywhere. I hear Glori screaming next to me.

I call out for Mommy and Daddy. They don’t say anything. They don’t call out for their baby bear. It hurts, it hurts, my legs hurt--

There are casts on my legs. Mommy is gone. Daddy is gone. Grandpa and Grandma are there, they tell me this. There was a car accident. Mommy and Daddy are gone and not coming back.

I am almost six. I’m still in a wheelchair. Grandpa picks me up to go see Ms. Strong, exercising my legs.

I don’t wanna go today. It makes me hurt. Please don’t make me.

I see the other kids all staring at me, a mob of eyes and giggles and laughter. Such a little baby, they say.

They’re right. I start crying.

When we get outside, Grandpa tells me to stop crying. Tells me to stop being a little scaredy-bear, or he’ll give me something to cry about.

Grandpa Spruce was a hard man.

‘That’s life in the Everfree. That’s being a Spruce. Work twice as hard, get half as much.

He was wrong, but I didn’t know that yet. You had to teach me.

***

I see Cascadia, our daughter, asleep on your chest, Timber Junior, our son, curled up on the couch beside you. It’s a lazy Sunday and the sun is streaming through the window of the living room. I am coming home from a long night of surgeries and reductions and fixations. All I can do is give you a kiss. And I feel your magic brushing my sweaty hair aside like you always do, tracing my heart through my scrubs.

mighty
lazy
luminous
mob
(words or concepts)

The Twilight Princess and the Timber Bear

Hi Twi. It’s me. Tim. Timber Spruce. Your Bear. Your Scaredy-Bear.

You haven’t called me that last one in a long time.

Please wake up.
***
I give you a kiss and a hug before I leave for work. I lift your white veil and I give you a kiss. I ask about the bump on your head and you tell me it’s fine. I look into your eyes outside of the crystal cave and you give me a kiss and I know that you love me.

I tell you I’m scared. That my own failings make me want to hide sometimes. That I’m not good enough. You hug me close, you call me scaredy-bear. But not like Grandpa did. You are kind, and you tell me I am good enough for you and always have been.
***
“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “It’s all out of order. I’m trying…”

I look at you. Hospital bed. Hospital room. Intensive Care. I hardly ever come to these rooms. And then, I’m usually the last doctor in line behind all the other specialists, neuro and cardiac and general surgery and the rest of med-surg.

You tell me I can become a doctor, that I am in fact smart enough and more importantly that I care. I am showing you my match e-mail. U Canterlot Hospital. Orthopedics. You show me your fellowship letter. U Canterlot, Department of Astronomy. We laugh. We hug.

You look so small and powerless. A breathing tube down your throat, moving your chest up and down. Your head bandaged after major brain surgery. It was a subarachnoid hemhorrage, they said they caught it just in time on that CT. I told you… but that’s for later.

***

You are resplendent, glowing, mighty. You and your friends. You are focused and powerful. You save my sister Gloriosa from herself, from her own fears. You save our Camp, you save our home, and I know in an instant there is something truly special about you even though I’ve barely known you for a weekend.

***

I held your hand the entire helicopter flight down to Canterlot City, to UCH, the best stroke and neuro center for 200 miles.

Once I could not bear to be with you. Now I cannot stand the thought of losing you.

***

I am lying on the grass. You’ve stepped away. Spike comes up, licks my face. Then he says, clearly, you owe me.

We are outside that cave. The one where Gloriosa found those strange rainbow crystals. The one you broke out of with a thought.

The dance we held there has been a huge success. Filthy Rich is going to get a check for the balance of the mortgage, with all interest and penalties, tomorrow morning.

I’m worried that we have to say goodbye. Maybe get dinner and catch a movie?

Yeah, you say, I'd really like that.

Oh, good! I was hoping that's what you meant.

I lean in towards your eyes. Then I feel Gloriosa’s arm on my shoulder.

‘Sorry. I need to borrow Timber. There are some donors I really want him to meet. They were good friends with Mom and Dad.’

I tell you to save me a dance.

I hear Sunset Shimmer call me ‘a pretty cool guy.’

As soon as I can, I am back next to you. In private this time. And we kiss.

***

I am five years old again. I am in the back seat of the truck. My legs hurt. There’s smoke everywhere. I hear Glori screaming next to me.

I call out for Mommy and Daddy. They don’t say anything. They don’t call out for their baby bear. It hurts, it hurts, my legs hurt--

There are casts on my legs. Mommy is gone. Daddy is gone. Grandpa and Grandma are there, they tell me this. There was a car accident. Mommy and Daddy are gone and not coming back.

I am almost six. I’m still in a wheelchair. Grandpa picks me up to go see Ms. Strong, exercising my legs.

I don’t wanna go today. It makes me hurt. Please don’t make me.

I see the other kids all staring at me, a mob of eyes and giggles and laughter. Such a little baby, they say.

They’re right. I start crying.

When we get outside, Grandpa tells me to stop crying. Tells me to stop being a little scaredy-bear, or he’ll give me something to cry about.

Grandpa Spruce was a hard man.

‘That’s life in the Everfree. That’s being a Spruce. Work twice as hard, get half as much.

He was wrong, but I didn’t know that yet. You had to teach me.

***

I see Cascadia, our daughter, asleep on your chest, Timber Junior, our son, curled up on the couch beside you. It’s a lazy Sunday and the sun is streaming through the window of the living room. I am coming home from a long night of surgeries and reductions and fixations. All I can do is give you a kiss. And I feel your magic brushing my sweaty hair aside like you always do, tracing my heart through my scrubs.

I love those lazy days. I know TJ and Cassie do too. I hope there are more of them.

***

Grandma is reading at our wedding.

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away…

I lift your while veil. You are beautiful. I love you.

I lean in, and kiss you. There is applause. And a howl of approval from Spike.

***

After that magical summer, I return to my engineering classes at Crystal State. You and your friends somehow all end up at the University of Canterlot.

I never thought I was smart. I always wanted to be a doctor but I didn’t have the grades.


You give me a care package to take back with me. It’s not cookies or candy. Instead, it’s flash cards—calculus, organic chemistry, anatomy and physiology. [i]

You’re not even pre-med.

You take to classes like a bear to salmon, or a princess to magic. You’re triple-majoring: physics, computer science, and astronomy. Of course, you’re also a master of scheduling so you make it look easy.

I love you so much.

But loving myself? That’s harder.


***

I’m scrubbing in for the first surgery of the day, distal humerus fracture of a 19-year old CSU student, a hike that went wrong, open reduction and fixation with external plates. Then nurse Meadowbrook interrupts me, and says I have an urgent call.

I swear and break scrub. It’s your colleague, Professor Star Tracker. He tells me he’s with you in an ambulance, heading here Crystalville/CSU Medical center.

He said you were having seizures. He says it might have been when that rack of drives fell on your yesterday. You’re five minutes out.

I told you we needed to take you to the hospital.

I thank him. I go into automatic mode. I call Glori and tell her to pick up TJ and Cassie and bring them here. By the time I’m done Meadowbrook tells me they have another orthopedist coming, that I should scrub out and go be with you.

I head downstairs to the emergency room.

***

You are standing there, in the dark, in front of your dorm, tears in your eyes.

You tell me you don’t understand. I don’t understand myself.[i]

[i]All I know is what I’ve been told, by the voice of Grandpa, the voice of the mob, the voice of some dark magic, that I am simply not good enough for you. You are mighty, and I am weak. You are wise, and I am dumb. I will only hold you back from your dreams of the stars. You are a Twilight Princess, and I am just a scaredy-bear named Timber.

I cannot bear to see you, let alone to kiss you.

I walk away. I hear Spike, your dog, running after me.

I know he can speak, but I don’t know he can cuss me out.

You’re breaking her heart, he growls at me. You do this and I will never forgive you.

You’re breaking her heart, he growls at me. You do this and I will never forgive you.

***

It is a summer morning. I hear you crying softly. I look over at you, and Spike his in you arms. I give him a scratch on the head.

His body is cold. He is gone.

“Good dog,” I say as I remember. “Good dog. Thank you.”

He is buried at Camp Everfree. I swear, some days when I’m out there I hear him terrorizing the entire pack of squirrels.

***

I’ve just finished another orthopedics procedure, popping a dislocated shoulder back in.

This is now my fourth rotation, and I think I’ve finally found something I’m good at. Bone is just wood with calcium, and fleshier bark.

X is just Y with Z. It was the first joke I told you. It was and will become our own private meme.

I know how to fix bones, not much different than building a cabin or fixing up the gazebo. Tab A into slot B, make sure there’s enough bracing and lateral support, if it’s broken you just get a truss plate and some screws, maybe drill it out and resurface it. Plus, orthopedics is the most physically demanding medical specialty out there. I’m basically a lumberjack, but with skeletons.

I think I know what kind of doctor I want to be now.

It’s then I meet Applejack downstairs in the hospital cafeteria. She tells me you still think about me and you still love me.
I don’t know what to say. I fix bones, not broken hearts.

I leave her my cell number. And two days later, a text from you, from the Atallama desert, half a world away, where you are doing your postdoctoral fellowship.

***

Sunset is speaking to me. Don’t talk to her. Think to her. Be with her.

How do you know? I ask.

I know, she says. You know. We did this before.

So that was it, I realize. You taught me that, too, Twi. Just in case.

***

Pinkie’s wedding was a crowd scene. She was marrying some comedian/magician, and you took me as a “Plus One.” After I had seen you again for the first time in years. Well, a Plus Two, Spike came as well.

You practically dragged me over to the girl with the fiery red hair.

Sunset Shimmer? I remembered her. Your best friend from high school, camp, college, everything.

We shook hands. It was only out of the corner of my eye that I saw you take her hand too.

There was strange magic afoot with her, too.

I saw visions of a strange and otherworldly realms, of horses, of tall mountains, of demons and dragons and griffons and friendship—so many friends—


And then I saw myself. I was one of those demons. A huge monster, with claws, red eyes, covered with fur and full of fury.

And then I saw you, luminous, floating in the air on wings of light. Twilght. A princess.

I hid my face from you.

I ran, and ran, deeper and deeper into a dark forest. I could not bear the sight of you. I was afraid of you, of myself.

But I was more afraid to lose you.

So I stopped. And cringing, turned towards you.

You touched me. [i]

[i]That is why I didn’t take those crystals for myself. Why I warned Glori not to take them. I spent so long being afraid, that with that power I would have lashed out. [i]

But you were there. You had that magic. So did Sunset and your friends.

I understand now, you said, and embraced me, and fell in love with me, all over again, and this time, this time…

***
You look at me, trying to mouth words around the tube in your throat, and then your eyes go blank.

I think, there has to be a way. There has to be some magic inside…

Nurse Carewing steps away, hearing the whir of the helicopter coming for you. I am alone with you. For the last time ever?

And then I see your crystal pendant on top of your clothes in the belongings bag, thrown in there in the CT room.

I think, maybe.
I open the supply drawer. Alcohol wipe, bordered gauze pad. I grab the pendant, pop the crystal out of its pendant. I sterilize the crystal, tear open the gauze, place it under your gown, over your heart. I hope they don’t notice in the OR in Canterlot.

Then I text Sunset Shimmer. Somehow, I think, she will know how to help. I’ve seen it before.

***

There is something luminous underneath your gown. Over your heart. It glows. You glow.

Come on, Twilight. Please. My princess. Be mighty for me.

Your bear needs you.

I grow faint, and falter. So does Sunset Shimmer. We are holding your hands, building a bridge of magic, of friendship, of faith, hope, love. A way back for you.

I hear you moan, feel you move. I am looking into your eyes again. You squeeze my hand.

I feel your thumb, tracing letters in my palm.

Y O U T A L K T O O M U C H .

“You’re here… you’re here…” I finally speak, the weight lifting. I hear Sunset Shimmer crying too. I tell you that you’re at UCH, you are in intensive care, Glori is driving TJ and Cassie down and they will be here soon, and Cadance and Shining and Flurry are in the waiting room and I will send word—

I knew we could do it. I knew it. I knew we could be mighty.

You were and are my Princess, and I was and am your Bear, and we shall not be afraid.

You trace a heart on my palm, and then another.
I love those lazy days. I know TJ and Cassie do too. I hope there are more of them.

***

Grandma is reading at our wedding.

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away…

I lift your while veil. You are beautiful. I love you.

I lean in, and kiss you. There is applause. And a howl of approval from Spike.

***

After that magical summer, I return to my engineering classes at Crystal State. You and your friends somehow all end up at the University of Canterlot.

I never thought I was smart. I always wanted to be a doctor but I didn’t have the grades.


You give me a care package to take back with me. It’s not cookies or candy. Instead, it’s flash cards—calculus, organic chemistry, anatomy and physiology. [i]

You’re not even pre-med.

You take to classes like a bear to salmon, or a princess to magic. You’re triple-majoring: physics, computer science, and astronomy. Of course, you’re also a master of scheduling so you make it look easy.

I love you so much.

But loving myself? That’s harder.


***

I’m scrubbing in for the first surgery of the day, distal humerus fracture of a 19-year old CSU student, a hike that went wrong, open reduction and fixation with external plates. Then nurse Meadowbrook interrupts me, and says I have an urgent call.

I swear and break scrub. It’s your colleague, Professor Star Tracker. He tells me he’s with you in an ambulance, heading here Crystalville/CSU Medical center.

He said you were having seizures. He says it might have been when that rack of drives fell on your yesterday. You’re five minutes out.

I told you we needed to take you to the hospital.

I thank him. I go into automatic mode. I call Glori and tell her to pick up TJ and Cassie and bring them here. By the time I’m done Meadowbrook tells me they have another orthopedist coming, that I should scrub out and go be with you.

I head downstairs to the emergency room.

***

You are standing there, in the dark, in front of your dorm, tears in your eyes.

You tell me you don’t understand. I don’t understand myself.[i]

[i]All I know is what I’ve been told, by the voice of Grandpa, the voice of the mob, the voice of some dark magic, that I am simply not good enough for you. You are mighty, and I am weak. You are wise, and I am dumb. I will only hold you back from your dreams of the stars. You are a Twilight Princess, and I am just a scaredy-bear named Timber.

I cannot bear to see you, let alone to kiss you.

I walk away. I hear Spike, your dog, running after me.

I know he can speak, but I don’t know he can cuss me out.

You’re breaking her heart, he growls at me. You do this and I will never forgive you.

You’re breaking her heart, he growls at me. You do this and I will never forgive you.

***

It is a summer morning. I hear you crying softly. I look over at you, and Spike his in you arms. I give him a scratch on the head.

His body is cold. He is gone.

“Good dog,” I say as I remember. “Good dog. Thank you.”

He is buried at Camp Everfree. I swear, some days when I’m out there I hear him terrorizing the entire pack of squirrels.

***

I’ve just finished another orthopedics procedure, popping a dislocated shoulder back in.

This is now my fourth rotation, and I think I’ve finally found something I’m good at. Bone is just wood with calcium, and fleshier bark.

X is just Y with Z. It was the first joke I told you. It was and will become our own private meme.

I know how to fix bones, not much different than building a cabin or fixing up the gazebo. Tab A into slot B, make sure there’s enough bracing and lateral support, if it’s broken you just get a truss plate and some screws, maybe drill it out and resurface it. Plus, orthopedics is the most physically demanding medical specialty out there. I’m basically a lumberjack, but with skeletons.

I think I know what kind of doctor I want to be now.

It’s then I meet Applejack downstairs in the hospital cafeteria. She tells me you still think about me and you still love me.
I don’t know what to say. I fix bones, not broken hearts.

I leave her my cell number. And two days later, a text from you, from the Atallama desert, half a world away, where you are doing your postdoctoral fellowship.

***

Sunset is speaking to me. Don’t talk to her. Think to her. Be with her.

How do you know? I ask.

I know, she says. You know. We did this before.

So that was it, I realize. You taught me that, too, Twi. Just in case.

***

Pinkie’s wedding was a crowd scene. She was marrying some comedian/magician, and you took me as a “Plus One.” After I had seen you again for the first time in years. Well, a Plus Two, Spike came as well.

You practically dragged me over to the girl with the fiery red hair.

Sunset Shimmer? I remembered her. Your best friend from high school, camp, college, everything.

We shook hands. It was only out of the corner of my eye that I saw you take her hand too.

There was strange magic afoot with her, too.

I saw visions of a strange and otherworldly realms, of horses, of tall mountains, of demons and dragons and griffons and friendship—so many friends—


And then I saw myself. I was one of those demons. A huge monster, with claws, red eyes, covered with fur and full of fury.

And then I saw you, luminous, floating in the air on wings of light. Twilght. A princess.

I hid my face from you.

I ran, and ran, deeper and deeper into a dark forest. I could not bear the sight of you. I was afraid of you, of myself.

But I was more afraid to lose you.

So I stopped. And cringing, turned towards you.

You touched me. [i]

[i]That is why I didn’t take those crystals for myself. Why I warned Glori not to take them. I spent so long being afraid, that with that power I would have lashed out. [i]

But you were there. You had that magic. So did Sunset and your friends.

I understand now, you said, and embraced me, and fell in love with me, all over again, and this time, this time…

***
You look at me, trying to mouth words around the tube in your throat, and then your eyes go blank.

I think, there has to be a way. There has to be some magic inside…

Nurse Carewing steps away, hearing the whir of the helicopter coming for you. I am alone with you. For the last time ever?

And then I see your crystal pendant on top of your clothes in the belongings bag, thrown in there in the CT room.

I think, maybe.
I open the supply drawer. Alcohol wipe, bordered gauze pad. I grab the pendant, pop the crystal out of its pendant. I sterilize the crystal, tear open the gauze, place it under your gown, over your heart. I hope they don’t notice in the OR in Canterlot.

Then I text Sunset Shimmer. Somehow, I think, she will know how to help. I’ve seen it before.

***

There is something luminous underneath your gown. Over your heart. It glows. You glow.

Come on, Twilight. Please. My princess. Be mighty for me.

Your bear needs you.

I grow faint, and falter. So does Sunset Shimmer. We are holding your hands, building a bridge of magic, of friendship, of faith, hope, love. A way back for you.

I hear you moan, feel you move. I am looking into your eyes again. You squeeze my hand.

I feel your thumb, tracing letters in my palm.

Y O U T A L K T O O M U C H .

“You’re here… you’re here…” I finally speak, the weight lifting. I hear Sunset Shimmer crying too. I tell you that you’re at UCH, you are in intensive care, Glori is driving TJ and Cassie down and they will be here soon, and Cadance and Shining and Flurry are in the waiting room and I will send word—

I knew we could do it. I knew it. I knew we could be mighty.

You were and are my Princess, and I was and am your Bear, and we shall not be afraid.

You trace a heart on my palm, and then another.

Heart Heart.